Your Phone
Usage,
Judged.

Roast My Phone turns your real screen-time habits into sharp, app-specific roasts. It sees the patterns, names the problem, and says what your friends were too polite to say.

Real app roasts

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about running 5K just to order McDonald's.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about scrolling X at 3 a.m.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about replying to Slack messages on a Saturday.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about one Duolingo lesson versus hours of K-drama.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about using AI to write leadership posts.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about looking for a soulmate on Tinder.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about asking ChatGPT, Gemini, and Claude the same startup question.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about meditating for ten minutes after arguing on X.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about Clash Royale during work hours.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about running 5K for a McMuffin reward.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about Facebook minion memes and Candy Crush.

Get the Android App

Android only. iPhone users are safe for now.

How Roast My Phone works.

01
Choose the tone
Gen Z Bully, Passive Aggressive, Disappointed Mother, The Labeler. Same habits, different humiliation.
02
Real app behavior
Roast My Phone uses the apps you open, when you open them, and how often, so the roast lands where it should.
03
Behavior patterns
Late-night scrolling, productivity cosplay, shopping spirals, and other habits your phone clocked immediately.

What your phone would tell you if it wasn't polite.

Real app roasts

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about browsing Amazon at 3 a.m.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a phone usage roast about LinkedIn networking.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about splitting an Amazon purchase into Klarna payments.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about looking for love in Facebook groups.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about Temu shopping and overconsumption.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about doomscrolling on X at 2:43 a.m.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about checking a crypto wallet at 4 a.m.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about bouncing between X and Slack all day.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about refreshing Gmail on a Saturday.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about a 5 a.m. Wikipedia rabbit hole on the Roman Empire.

Roast My Phone Android app screenshot showing a roast about ignoring Slack for Candy Crush and LinkedIn.

Explore More

See what Roast My Phone actually notices.

Dig into the habits Roast My Phone catches, how the app works, and what kind of screen-time spiral your phone has been trying not to mention.

Pattern Library

Phone usage patterns

Explore the late-night, fake-productive, and shopping-heavy habits that Roast My Phone turns into painfully specific roasts.

Product Guide

How Roast My Phone works

See how Android usage access, pattern detection, and server-side AI turn your phone habits into app-specific roasts.

Android Guide

Android screen-time app

Compare Roast My Phone with a normal screen-time tracker and see why interpretation beats a generic dashboard.

FAQ

Questions before you download

Read the quick answers on Android support, privacy, permissions, roast styles, and what data the app actually uses.